Hello.
'm starting a new blog after centuries of silence. So far I have always been in touch with friends through virtual diaries, but this time I will not. This must be one of my corner and I do not want they explore it. There are sides of me that is sometimes easier to show a stranger that a person who knows us ... and maybe even ashamed to show it ... or do not want to give explanations.
What can I say ... I have a strong desire to vent, let me in, to express what I have in my head. They often follow a few blogs, including those relating Ana, curiosity, and sometimes, if I have to be sincere, to find support. I am not Pro Ana, but I have a strange relationship with food. Having studied psychology are aware that this is just the tip of the iceberg, because it is a symptom of a bad relationship with myself, which leads me to see me like that. In essence, is not the body to be covered with fat, but my mind to be full of paranoia and problems. In fact it is true because I have only problems with food, but with a lot of other things. I suffered from depression in the past, and sometimes we fall back again, I have some behind suicide attempts in recent months and the total apathy. For some 'time in this part, I decided to change, to stop depending on others and be more engaged, active, positive, but it is not an easy thing.
What else to say. .. study, are engaged to a guy I love but which is not always all roses (we say that I should learn to be more autonomous and appreciate my life as an individual and not as one with him, which is much more independent and a little more careless of me), I have friends that I care a lot but I can not speak with all different interests. .. are shy, a little 'paranoid, generous, love to learn ... trend is bad and I'm afraid of challenges or new situations, but I am forced to change. For example now I can make friends more easily than before, and about the study I decided to tackle a difficult task.
And now we come to the body. I've always had problems with food, maybe I will talk about later in detail, but suffice it to say that 1.65 is high and weighing 66 kg. Until two months ago he weighed 70 but I decided to take the diet and the gym. The results show us, but at what price? Tremendous effort because I can not control, generally. If I see something I like, I suffer as long as I can not eat it. S useless to eat it, the worse ingurgito pigs. If I propose a pizza, a plate of lasagna, a good risotto, the rustic, is not that I take a little bit. No, I have to finish everything, maybe even a double portion. And that makes me angry because I can not control and the only way not to feel guilty after you vomit. I know it hurts and it is wrong, but I can not help it. Also because I do not diet for one week and then once Sgarro; there ice cream or orange-I can understand why they do not harm. The problem is that one evening is that, after lunch, lasagna, pizza for dinner ... and so the week of diet goes to hell. And 'I hate that.
The last two weeks I ate as a pig fattening, this week I would like to get in line, especially mentally. Fitness, diet, study, field trips, outings with friends.
tomorrow, unfortunately, the diet will be severely tested. E 'Valentine's Day dinners and calorie are romantic. Can I make salad for lunch, but dinner will be very difficult, uff: (can fill with Coke Zero and take a little of everything. I do not want to diet by 400 calories, as I said are not enough good Pro Ana and I know the rules of 'power to determine what is best for a steady weight loss and long-lasting, but not even swallow 2000 calories is the best idea to lose weight.
Well, what else to say ... I am filled with deep thoughts ( at least for me: D) at this time but I think I would be a bit 'sad to write, and then to read next time: P I hope to live up to the weekly goals, maybe later li approfondirò di più.
Notte!
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